Stepping Into Acceptance When Your Child Misuses Substances and Struggles with Mental Health, with Brenda Zane

In an unplanned and heartfelt episode, I decided to share some thoughts on the importance of acceptance in the face of life's challenges. I discuss how resisting difficult experiences can hinder personal growth and highlight the beauty of transformation that comes with accepting reality.

You'll also hear a story of a life saved recently by one of our members, made possible by the support of Hopestream's scholarship fund. This episode takes place during our Seeds of Hope Giving Campaign for 2024, which you can learn more about at hopestreamcommunity.org/donate. If the Hopestream podcast has been helpful for you and your family, please consider a donation to our 501(c)3 nonprofit organization to keep it on air and, importantly, ad-free.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Hopestream’s Seeds of Hope Giving Campaign

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Chapters

• 0:48 Welcome to Hopestream
• 1:16 A change of plans
• 1:46 A powerful story of Hopestream's impact
• 3:08 Support Hopestream with a tax-deductible donation
• 3:39 Embracing Acceptance
• 6:51 The Paradox of Personal Change
• 10:56 Wrap up and Resources

Transcript

0:02

when I see people consistently pushing against and holding back and not allowing certain feelings and not allowing vulnerability and not allowing themselves to explore different ways of being, it makes me wish I had a magic wand because I also see the other side of this, where there has been resistance, where there has been closed offness. There's been denial and pushback. and then I see a transformation. That's so beautiful where a person will move to a place and step into acceptance. And it doesn't mean that they approve. It doesn't mean they like where they are, but they move into acceptance and I start to see shifts in them and their families. Welcome to Hope Stream, a podcast where you'll hear interviews, conversations, and encouraging words for parents of teens and young adults who struggle with substance misuse and mental health. I'm Brenda Zane, your host and a fellow parent whose child struggled. I'm so glad you're here. Take a deep breath and know you're not doing this alone anymore. Hey friend, it's just us today and I'm going a little off track because my plan was to talk to you about some of the common slogans that you hear as you spend time on the roller coaster ride. Some of them might be from the AA or Al Anon worlds or from other recovery programs from craft from hope stream. And I will do that episode, but I woke up this morning and I just had the feeling on my heart that I needed to talk to you about something else. And before I do that, I want to tell you a quick story. A few months ago, one of our members had the unfortunate but fortunate opportunity to save her daughter's life with Narcan. She received the Narcan from HopeStream, and specifically, she received it while on retreat with us. And the reason that she was on the retreat with us was because she received a scholarship to attend, which is only made possible by generous donations from people like you. HopeStream is a registered 501c3 nonprofit organization, and we use your donations for things like bringing people on retreats. them Narcan, providing sliding scale scholarships for our really popular workshops and our membership to our parent communities and for producing this ad free podcast. You may have noticed while listening to other podcasts that all of a sudden, as you're listening, A few minutes of usually very annoying ads pop in. We don't want to do that. We work really hard to keep HopeStream a sacred space for you to listen and learn, exhale, join your tribe. And the last thing we want to do is drop in it. Annoying ads. So right now, October of 2024, you can join our seeds of hope giving campaign, which allows us to continue to do this important work. And it provides you with a tax deductible donation for 2024. Go to hopestreamcommunity. org forward slash donate to learn more. And if this podcast has helped you during your family's journey, I hope you'll consider giving any amount during this campaign. Now, like I said, I shifted the focus of today's episode because it was on my heart to talk to you about acceptance and it's going to be short because I wasn't planning on this, but it still feels important. And the reason that is, is because I see so many of you pushing and pushing and pushing against this experience or against any difficult experience that you're going through. It's like you're pushing against a giant boulder that you know is bigger than you. You can feel that it's rough and it's scratchy. It's slowly making progress against you, but you're still pushing against it in hopes that you can keep it from rolling forward. And when I see this, it's so difficult because what I want to say is let it roll when it rolls into your life. It is going to be uncomfortable, it's going to do some damage, and at the same time, it's going to allow space for change once that giant boulder has been removed. You may be past the most challenging days with your child, but there's something else going on in your life that you would really rather not let in, and you're meeting it with resistance, hoping you can keep it away. I don't know why this was pressing on my heart when I woke up this morning, but it was, and what that usually means is that you or someone needs to hear it. So I did some writing about willingness and acceptance, and I hope it will speak to you because this acceptance is. It's such an important part of moving through any difficult experience. It's such an important part of allowing yourself to take it all in. Allow all of everything, not just take bits and parts of life, the ones that feel good and try to keep the rest out. when I see people consistently pushing against and holding back and not allowing certain feelings and not allowing vulnerability and not allowing themselves to explore different ways of being, it makes me wish I had a magic wand because I also see the other side of this, where there has been resistance, where there has been closed offness. There's been denial and pushback. and then I see a transformation. That's so beautiful where a person will move to a place and step into acceptance. And it doesn't mean that they approve. It doesn't mean they like where they are, but they move into acceptance and I start to see shifts in them and their families. And I hear stories of new bonds and new connections and new conversations that happen. I see a physical transformation as well in these people, their eyes light up differently, their faces relax, and they move in a different way with more confidence, with more wisdom. And it is incredible to see. So I hope you'll ponder on these words that came to me about letting it all happen, letting it all be in your life. When life brings us unpleasantness, we push away its discomfort and erect impressive walls of distraction, fortified by blame. A moat of avoidance surrounds us. We're shielded from potential pain, disappointment, and fear. The self made protection offers a comforting illusion that we can somehow banish what gnaws at our serenity by denying its existence, or even its possibility, irrational minds draft blueprints of logic and reason. It searches for answers grounded in data and science. Convinced that every problem has a clear solution waiting to be uncovered. Our emotional self, more fragile, seeks comfort and soothing. it's too easily bruised to lower its defenses and face fear and pain head on. so we present a calm exterior to the world while inside carrying the weight of unacknowledged emotions. This frantic dance of self protection tramples the delicate seedlings of change. Your efforts to keep out discomfort and the unknown also block the path to growth and new possibilities. The paradox of personal change lies in having the courage to say this is how things are right now. Relief and renewal can't take root without first accepting the present reality. So why do we resist the here and now? Why do we recoil from the discomfort that makes our skin crawl and our nerves tingle? What magic might unfold if just for a breath you welcomed what you wish most to change? We can only deny a new truth for so long before our souls grow calloused and the path to growth is overgrown and impossible. The soft moss and tender leaves that lead to change become trampled and elusive unless we surrender a willingness to change. To accept it all willingness to sit down with the rage and anger willingness to concede all we think we know and bow in childlike wonder at the rawness and unknown knocking on our door. Just as the sun rises each day and warms us without discrimination, we too can learn to accept all facets of our experience and understand that both the sweet and the bitter are worthwhile teachers when we allow it all. The whole mosaic of our lives, we gain clear perspective and inherit unexpected riches. When we allow it all, the darkness loses its power over us. The rigid becomes malleable, a fresh handful of clay on the wheel. All of this is unfolding. All of it is real. All of it holds the seeds of change. If we're willing to trade the shield of denial for a net woven from threads of acceptance. Transcribed Thank you for being here, for leaning in and being open to new ideas and ways of looking at life. I hope you gleaned something from these thoughts on acceptance. If you'd like to learn more about a new way of approaching this difficult season of life, you can download a free ebook I wrote called Worried Sick. A compassionate guide for parents of teens and young adults who misuse substances. It'll give you an introduction to a fresh approach that doesn't lead with tough love or depend on your child hitting rock bottom. You can download it from hopestreamcommunity. org forward slash worried. And please don't forget if this podcast has been helpful for you on your journey, please consider a gift to allow us to continue production and to keep it free of annoying ads. You can do that at hope stream community. org forward slash donate. Oh, deep breaths. My friend, you're doing the most incredible job at the most difficult experience. I see you. I'm with you and I will meet you right back here next week.